Here I am, almost a week later. After some stark reminders that I still live in a very real world, I can finally put some thoughts together on an event that I will never forget.

Joy. Pure Joy. That's what I felt. I was with 10 other people who had worked just as hard or harder then I did to make this happen. We were screaming, yelling, jumping up and down, and crying. It's really hard to put into words how this all made me feel. I watched our president elect give an inspiring speech. The whole world was watching this gifted politician give an inspiring speech. And I felt like this was a friend of mine. I had spent so much time reading about him, listening to him, defending him, and working for him. It felt as though I knew him. And yet he belongs to everyone.

It's hard to describe what it's like to give so much time, to take time away from family and normal life, to something so huge. The election of Barack Obama will be talked about for hundreds of years to come. To be so intimately involved in something that is such a huge moment in history, is something that will warm my soul through whatever dark days are ahead. I have always had a belief that I was meant to do something big with my life. I have always tried to read what the world was trying to tell me, as accidents happened, and as I was guided through different locations and stages. I feel as though I am finally figuring it out. It was no accident that I live in Florida, a place that I vowed to never live in when I was younger. It was no accident that I was raised by very conscious parents, that I met my wife through the Democratic party, that I felt physical pain when damage was inflicted to our world and our people. I always pictured what I would do would be something that would get me on TV and win awards. The fact that it wasn't doesn't shrink the significance, nor does the fact that what I did was the same thing that a million other people decided to do. In fact, it increases the impact, and makes it more significant than I could have imagined.

I'm a different person then I was 3 months ago. I have more belief in myself then I have ever had. I have more belief in my world, and in the human race then I have ever had. I have an abundance of energy that yearns to be channeled. But first things first. I have to spend time with my kids. I have to keep working to be the best father I can be. I need to love my wife, and help her get healthy. I need to find out a little more about this world that I am seeing with new eyes.

I don't know what kind of president Barack Obama will be. But the work I've done has already paid off, in a rush of joy and a day of pride that I shared with millions around the world. Days like that don't happen often. The fact that I helped create that day is reward enough. What happens next is up to all of us.

Sunday morning I was at the office at 9:30. I knocked on my first door at 10:15. It was a big ol section of one of the poorer, more rundown areas in Longwood. It was early for a sunday morning. Not a lot of people home. I think a few that Idid talk to said they would go vote today, that they didn't know that they still could. Kept me going. I went till about 2:30. Turned in my count and headed over to the Lake Mary Library, were there was a huge line to early vote. I brought about 5 cases of water with me, met with my field organizer, Bryan, and started handing water out. Everyone seemed pretty thankful. A few people looked at me funny, I assured folks a few times that I didn't care who they were voting for, that everyone needed to drink water. When I got done, I went home to spend a couple hours with my family. Went back for a meeting at 6, laid out the whole "election day" plan. Starting to get excited, yet still scared to death.

Monday, I worked. It sucked. I couldn't sit still. I spent most of the day reading, about things like voter fraud and the wars, and couldnt wait to get out. I couldn't canvass cuz it was dark. I went home, ate, and headed to the office. Spent a few hours putting together canvass packs . Had hoped to go to bed early, so left at about 10:15 and headed home. I set my alarm, started watching a True Blood episode, and fell asleep almost instantly. I woke up at 4:20, 10 minutes before my alarm went off.

ELECTION DAY: Got up, showered, drove to McDonalds to get one of my ultimate guilty pleasures, McGriddles for breakfast. Headed to Yvonne's house, which was my staging location where I was the canvass captain. Got there at 6 and drank coffee and oj. Had only 3 other people show up, we grabbed everything we could and headed out at 7am.
     Not a lot of people home early on, but I hung a lot of door hangers. I was secretly relieved that I didn't wake anyone up(that I know of). Around 8 more people did come to the door. I was working apartments, so a lot of the info we had was old, and people didn't live there anymore. I don't think I was doing much to turn out the vote though, most people had already done their thing. I also did a bunch of HUGE houses, but it was a needle in a heystack kinda chase, so I did a lot of driving and very little talking. I got a couple packs done, went back to Yvonne's and ate some lunch. 
     After stuffing some food in me, I went to someone else's house to canvass her area. No apartments this time, but a lot of scattered, suburban, nice houses. Tons of McCain signs. Everyone I talked to had already voted. It was getting really frustrating. I didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything, and it was friggin ELECTION DAY!! I ended up calling Nina, our director, and asking her to let me head somewhere else. She said she could use me back at the office, so I dropped my stuff off at another house and headed to Longwood.
     I got to the office at about 4, grabbed about 50 doors and headed out. This neighborhood was more like it. I knew it really well, and I knew that I'd be able to do more. I don't think I accomplished much more here, but I was in a place I was familiar with, and really FEELING like I was making a difference, since I'd done this same area about 4 other times. One lady yelled at me for coming to her house about 5 times, I apologized and told her we really needed her vote. She said "I know!". Another girl told me she had voted by mail, and that she had talked to us about 10 times. But she said I DEFINITELY voted for Obama, he he. I got back at dark, about 6:15, only to watch Nina fly by me with a canvassing folder, and have Bryan tell me about some email that he got(which I now think was bullshit) that the election was really close in florida, and I needed to get every last vote. I ran back out. This was kind of funny now, I couldn't see any house numbers. I was asking neighbors where these houses were. I talked to a couple of people for about 5 seconds "HI YOU VOTED YET??? OK THANKS!!!"" and moved on. I was finally done at 6:50, realizing there was not a way of me realistically getting someone out to vote. I got back to the office at 7.
     It was the first time in months that a whole bunch of us had absolutely NOTHING TO DO. We thought we would be making phone calls to the panhandle, then to Colorado and New Mexico and Nevada. We weren't asked to. We had no plans for the evening. So I told everyone to come back to my place just to gather and watch results. I ran home to make our home presentable.
     LeeAnne had watched a poll that day. She saved about 20-25 votes she said, because the polls workers didn't know some procedures. She got frustrated, but it didnt sound like it was as bad as what she'd dealt with in 2004. I got a call from Suzannah saying we had won Seminole County. I flipped out. We had turned a red county blue. We had done our job. Turns out it was premature, and McCain won about 50 to 48. Considering in 04 it went 75-25 Bush, that's not too shabby. But eventually about 10 people showed up, almost exactly the group I would have wanted to watch this with. We watched CNN, first some predicted states, then calls like Arizona is TOO CLOSE TO CALL, and Indiana, and Virginia. Florida was really close. But then we got PA, which McCain had put so much into, and Ohio, another big one. By about that time, it seemed like a mathematical certainty that we would win. But everyone was cautious, no one was moving, everyone was glued to the set. At about 11pm, I was talking to my friend Linda on the phone, and it flashed across the screen.

I'm tired today, I stayed up late watching the DNC. Michelle Obama blew my mind. I've been so cynical about politics lately, it's nice not to think about voting records, corruption, and the bleak future, and just hear a good speech that makes me believe in America again. These words stuck with me:(speaking about Barack)He talked about "The world as it is" and "The world as it should be." And he said that all too often, we accept the distance between the two, and settle for the world as it is - even when it doesn't reflect our values and aspirations. This is pretty inspiring, except in this world, I don't know if I'm looking for something that we hear of in these rousing speeches. What excites me? What blows my mind? Music. Light. Sound. Space. Beauty. Love. Sex. Space. Pushing the boundries of human limitation.

I have been on a spiritual path that encourages inner peace. Living in the moment. Finding joy in everything. I made a point today to wake up early and meditate for a half hour. But my mind raced. I could not quiet my brain. I'm not sure if inner peace is what I'm looking for. I'm looking for excitement, ecstacy, tension, release, challenge.  But is that possible? I sit in a cube all day. I surf the web and talk to clients, who during this trying time, are most concerned about how much money they can hoarde before they die. My family brings me happiness, my children(who are now with their mother for the next week), give me purpose. I feel guilty for wanting more. I feel greedy for looking for outside stimulation. I feel humble by allowing myself to be victimized by so many outside forces.

Some days I feel like I can have everything I want. But it's hard to visualize because it's never happened. And I know if I can't see it happening, it never will. Doubt and fear are weighing on me this morning. But it's only Tuesday. Maybe tomorrow will be different. ;)

Thanks to anyone who read this. This is my first blog post

Breaking barriers, escaping the comfort zone, taking charge of my own adventure!